Disguised hate

I hate you,

You heard it right,

I actually hate you for all pain you hid under the hood,

And cloaked it by your smile,

And made it look like it doesn't even exists.

And I hate myself

For not being able to see through it,

Even though I was known for being able to disect your feelings layer by layer.

I was the best detective 

Who used be able to read what's going on in your heart

Just by the degree of curve on your lips.

I hate you,

For all the time you pushed me away

With the fear to lose me in the heart,

That has always been beating for me

While it was beating you up with the guilt

Eating you up like a maggots,

Sucking life out of you like a parasite,

And I hate myself for letting you push me away,

While I blindfolded myself with anger,

And shut my ears out of fear of not being able to take the truth.

I hate you like how I hate sun that enrages me when it's at its hottest

But still keeps me warm,

Like how I hate moon for being so far,

But always tries to be there,

Like how I thought we were built with the strongest concrete God has made yet,

But it was his storm too

That blew us up like a house of cards,

And leaving us out of order

Because we are too broken to fix it back.

I hate how we let our anger blind us

And throw the words filled with spikes back and forth

Cutting the deepest 

And unearthing the dead memories back from the grave

To crown oneself as a winner to be able to give deeper scars back,

How we fight each other 

And not for each other

Like in the past.

You know how we hide "I love you" in "I hate you" these days

And "please stay" in "fuck off"

So carefully, even after knowing the other one is no longer capable of decoding what you say,

Coz you have been stripped off of the capabilities of understanding each other's tongue,

And it usually opens up to bite, dripping with venom on the edges.

I hate how the circumstances has brought us face to face in the war zone

In a new skin

That doesn't feels one another's pain,

That doesn't gets drowned when the other one is caught up in the flood,

That breathes heavily not coz one has caught another's breath,

But due to anxiety,

And we both are the shattered glasses

That will cut if one tries to pick it up.

I hate how all the things happened like a fucking goddamn movie,

And how I have made home in your head, heart and soul,

I hate myself for going in the denial

And being the reason how I made those parts heavy filling myself up with anger,

And pulling it down to the point

You wanted to take them out and throw away.

Conclusion of the story?

I hate everything these days.

The aftermath of the storm and dark days has left us disintegrated into you and me 

But what I hate more is how we are so clueless about our future that we were so sure of spending together.

Our future looks like magician made it disappear just at a wave of his stick

Our future feels like a path that is under construction no body is willing to finish,

Our future feels like a beautiful dream that will never come to reality and makes us want to go to bed early to see it again,

Our future feels like a baby in the womb we killed out of our ego just when it was starting to breathe and let it rot in 

denying to let it out

And make ourselves a graveyard

And mourning for the loss with the remains we are left with.

However, I want to start a new chapter on the book I don't want to throw away yet,

I never wanted to,

Even if out of anger I had thought of burning it down and blowing away the ashes,

Forgetting this will burn me down along,

I know we are two books of different genres,

But can we at least try to mix our words and create a poetry out of it,

The long one,

Like this, 

The one,

I never want to finish.

Prompt - Write love poem as a hate poem or vice versa.